ha i got some new makeup today haha big deal right
well im not huge on makeup

honestly i only wear eyeliner but today i was
like hey i want to get like eye shadows

and stuff haha so i did i really dont know how to put
that stuff on so lets see how i do haha i hope
i dont make myslef look like a klown hahah

now that would be funny right

ITs 4:16 and im not tired......im just sitting alone in this room so much
stuff on my mind im going krazy and its so hard to be happy all the time
so what am i suppose to do im  messed up to many things i cant fix

anything anymore and it kills me to know this...i mean no one understands
how i feel well no one knows how i feel not like anyone really wants to sit here

and listin to me wont really matter if they do all they can say is ''its ok' or ''dont
worry bout it things will work out'' yea easy for you to say  ur are not in my postion...

honestly all i had was my mom she ya she was not really always there for me or
around to spoil me or love me and stuff but i know she loved me she did everything

she could to see that she can to take care of me and my bro ya she yelled at me all
the time most the time for nothing just cuz but i cant blame her she has so much anger
 
inside with my dad cheating on her and leaving and my sis going down the worng road
and stuff it  just really sucks being the youngest and getting no atttion but i blame my dad

for the way i got treated as a kid him leaving forced my mom to have to work 2 jobs and never
getting to be around to spend time with me i was just a kid i didnt understand why she was
always so angry but now that im older i understand she has been thro so much and done
so much to keep us happen and try and keep food on the table i mean its hard to support
 
three kids just on min wage....idk what im tryin to say is regret leaving my moms i mean i
couldnt stand all the yelling and being put in the middle of all my parents arguments...
why did they have to alwasy put me in the middle and talk to me bout there problems im

just a kid ya kid.....its to much for me to handle i was tired of not being able to just hang
 out with my frineds...so what did i do i finally had an emotional break down.....and like
 
me i ran away from everything i could never deal with problems i still cant i miss being
home i love my mom and i really hurt her by leaving i have been gone almost a year now

and it sux i really want to go back home and be around my family but eveyone is just so
angry with me that its hard to be there with out them yellin at me....plus if i leave what will

alec do he already does not tust me and thats my fault but i will feel like im leaving him
and i will feel like a jerk i dont want him to think that i dont want to be with him or that im
 
tired of living with him cuz i really love him so much that i will put his feeling before mine.....
i dont want to hurt him anymore then i have already.....

idk.....i just dont know........

ahhhhhhhh oks i really like this guy again haha like i used to like him my sophomore year and we just started talking again the way we used to talk when we liked each other back then and ahh it just brings back the old feelings i had for him =Dhehe im not so sure if he feels the same tho...but he gives lil hints thats hes interested...i think...

this is my last year in high skool...and i cant wait to get out...god this year sux great right how am i suppose to injoy this year when my "best friend" i qout best friend is talking to my ex boyfriend behind my back great huh...to make things worse they are suppose to go to the movies this comming saturday....if it wasnt for my real friend i would have never known about this its weird...i dunno what to do she dosnt even know that i know whats she has been doing...it sux i really thought i could trust her but i guess i was wrong...i hate it i told her everthing and i never once keep a secret from her yes i know how lame that sounds but arnt u suppose to tell ur "best friend" everything and do nothing to hurt them...i dunno urghhhhh

man myspace is getting old......





The awesomenss NESSA





Matt just has the skamtasticeest band here in harlingen!





AHH its Jess i love this girl to death!!!!